Under Rhinoplasty
“You have been harboring these feelings all this time. And why?”
“Uhuh. Uhuh. So plastic of me, yeah?”
“Isn’t this some kind of situation where all the while I have been looking for the One, he just happens to be right under my nose?”
“Stop it, you are such a girl.”
“Well, here I am, rambling about my failed relationships and he just happens to be that great best guy friend who pats my back and says, It will all turn out better.”
“Among the strings of women he has been with, too – you have always been there to listen.”
“And they never get to stay. I did.”
“……….”
“I cried infrannahim because of a breakup! That was embarrassing!”
“He’s the least likely person to cringe whenever that happens.”
“I don’t even get that part why it feels better to confide to men than to women.”
“Because men don’t give you B.S. They don’t give you You are better than her shit like what women are known to say.”
“He could have been perfect.”
“Since when were you enlightened about this?”
“Since I started noticing how good he looks in that ratty old t-shirt!”
“Could have been. Could have been.”
“Stop me!”
“You need to shake yourself out of this highschoolish crush you have on him. It going to weird him out”
I’m five years old.
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THESE ARMS ARE NOT JUST BUILT FOR CARRYING HANDBAGS
“Two semi-punches.”
“A cross between a slap and a punch?”
“Yes, all four knuckles.”
“I didn’t know you have a following as a boxer.”
Flexes biceps.
“He must have been knocked down.”
“Winging it!”
“Poor guy.”
“Poor me! Should have given him 9.”
“9?”
“Because after the 8th, my hands would be dead cramped by then.”
“You scare me.”
“I scare myself. I have no idea I could do that.”
“So did he. Hun, your market value just dipped down –“
showed a stretched arm.
“…like this.”
“Ugh, I should not have lost it. Soo… sooo tacky.”
“Good for you to realize tacky.”
“I thought I was classy compared to that fugly girl he was with.”
“Uh-uh. Classy for you called in sick that night. She was classi-ER.”
“Even if she looked like she could use a little eyeshadow?”
“Who was shrieking more?”
“How could he choose her?”
Automatic. “Nothing’s wrong with you.”
“Of course there is nothing wrong with me. Everything IS wrong with him! Her! Whatever.”
“See? See? You’re shrieking now.”
“I SHRIEK???”
“Um, you were a tad loud.”
“You are my friend – this is the part where you’re supposed to go, Oh, no, you did great.”
“Oh, no, you did great!”
Whacks.
“Hey, you can’t blame me. I told you to sit still.”
“I thought you wanted me to stop stroking the butter knife like its gold.”
“He already knows he’s a prick after the first blow. A knife would end that moment.”
“Yeah, perhaps a bullwhip, a Trojan horse, an icepick.”
“You’re hurt, I know, that’s why I let you go on.”
“No, you love going over the scene lots of times – that’s why.”
“Best drama – action – cum telenovela moment in 2008.”
Giggle.
“…and you’re in the middle of it all.”
“Our friends would applaud.”
“Mom is close to coming here in Cebu and take me back.”
“She’d disown you if you take him back!”
“Is he going to go after me?”
“We should get a restraining order.”
“Right. He still has the keys to my apartment.”
“No, no. A restraining order for YOU.”
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analyzing is criminal.
SECOND DATE. My girlfriend huffed and puffed on my bed. She practiced the pout we’ve been trying to master all season.
“It’s been 2 weeks.”
“When’s the longest?”
“Three days.”
“Didn’t you just see him last week?”
“That is just it. I did. And everything was ok, and we were so good.”
“Or you think you were so good.”
Baffled. “Well, what would make it not good?”
“You are the only one who can answer that.”
“It was good. Everything went well – he even kissed me before saying good night.”
“Ohhh…”
“What’s with the knowing Ohhh…?”
“You slept with him!”
“Ummm…”
“You slut!”
“I cannot help it!”
“What, you just happen to be horizontal together and that’s it?”
“…he said that we had a moment…”
“…and that he had fun?”
“…said I was special and he cannot imagine having anything like what we had with anyone else…”
“…even kissed you on the forehead?”
Audible pause.
“I’m screwed.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Does that mean he’s not gonna call?”
“What for?”
“Well, talk. I mean, he really likes me. And I, him!”
“That’s mental.”
Sigh. “And physical…”
“Yuck. Need I not know.”
“If nothing – after another week, then let’s just say we move forward.”
“NO!! What if I call him myself?”
“Double no. Then you’ll end up thinking he just wanted to talk to you because you called him first r if he really do want to talk to you.”
“Then I’ll wait till he calls then?”
“Did he say he was gonna call?”
“Uhuh?”
“you could have gone, if I don’t hear anything from you, can I call you instead?”
Horrified. “I would never say that.”
“Point. Taken.”
“Do you realize we’ve been going at this for minutes now?”
“This is such a waste of time!”
“Next time we do this, we should bring out a scalpel and a Voodoo doll.”
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Thanks for visiting my food and travel blog. When I'm not a full time girlfriend and furmommy for baby Sebastian, I am here. Party Smart at InStylecebu.com. :) Email: kristine.roa@instylecebu.com
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