this chest of mine

For the entire week I have been sick and sickly and almost dying I was thinking of bankrupting one of my bank accounts for investing in oxygen and a stretcher and worst, a CPR machine. Asthma is the bitch. Work is the bitchiest. Those plus days of no sleep made me crawl to my bed everyday gasping and wheezing and nursing a small kitten inside my chest. Tihn calls me Ming now because whenever I talk, a small purring sound echoes. Eek. How turn-offz. The medicines stocked inside my drawer are piling up like crazy and I had hives from drinking all those. Turn-offz again for the house to be smelling like a hospital. Hmm, not sexy.

I hardly took notice of how I look, too, because putting on an outfit requires tooo much energy and energy I can barely hold in my moisturizer let alone place effort on putting on contacts. I remember Pau seeing me wearing my eyeglasses and went, “Tin, I didn’t know you have one look that is, um, harmless.” Harmless! Haha. Hilarity, Pau, is your forte.

That was last week. Now, Ming’s gone and I cough like a wheel and axle’s let loose inside my throat but I’ve never felt better. I miss being kikay and shoot me for being maarte but no one’s been held on a guillotine for wanting to be pretty. I never understood how anyone would not take care of themselves anyway – with the exception to those who are sick, so if you are, oh my God, I so understand what you are going through right now so you have all the right to look ghastly. Um, just make sure you don’t intend to keep it that way.

Okay, two paragraphs on looking good does not make me vain. I’m just saying that whoever saw me last week looking like shit should look twice this week! Waaah.

I’ve been missing my mom and she’s not giving any hint that she might come back. She saw Ruby, one of my bestfriends who is in LA, and Ruby started telling her about my heartbreaking story and mom freaked out because she has no idea what Ruby was talking about. She called me long distance and I gave her a lengthy explanation why I’ve been keeping this from her. “Ah, so all those Cagayan trips–?”

 My mom wasn’t empathetic. She just said, “I’ve always prayed that all of my daughters will marry someone who is just right for them. Find someone like your dad.” I was tempted to ask her why isn’t she coming back soon then if she thinks that way but I bit my cheek.

She said, “Don’t worry, anak, I’ll find you an American here.”

“Do you have my photo with you?” I asked, worried.

“I always carry all your photos. I think you look cutest in that graduation pic of yours in college.”

Fakkk. Me in a toga! So sexy mommy, very sexy. Bad hair, bad skin equals dork.

No one’s been broadcasting my Its Complicated^TM status in friendster either, so, I’m not in the running. As long as you’re not married, you can forever be in Dating status. Like what’s going to happen tomorrow. Posting pictures soon. Tsup. Tsup.

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