WHAT NOT TO DO TO YOUR GUY

And women wonder what makes men tick. I asked, I was surprised. Men DO have a problem about it because women do trivialize men’s problems like they have a cachet for telling them that only women are the ones they shouldn’t mess with. Well, society’s next best mess might be a woman bawling because her man wouldn’t tell her why the hell he wouldn’t squeeze her hand back or get aroused if her boob brushed his arm. Why, you ask, are they such big babies.

Well, don’t do this to him then.

Carry your purse
Take him shopping – if he takes you shopping for tension wires for his car, would you go?
ask him to drive your mom somewhere
ask him “Am I Fat?”
Surf, research, and dig information about your crush even if he’s John Hall
coo and baby talk in public
…worst, adjust his collar and brush off an imaginary lint on his shirt and fuss on his hair. In public.
Make him run around and do stuff for you in front of his friends
make him buy your sanitary napkins and vaginal wash
say you’re not on a diet and you’re up for fine dining tonight – days before payday
buy him a pink tight shirt
say, “honey, i still haven’t gotten over how much you cried when i broke up with you last night,” in front of his friends
tell his mom that the only time he stops drinking is when the bar closes. At 6aM.
Schedule a last minute date that night just when he is going out with his buddies
screen his text messages, phone calls and grab his phone the minute it beeps
call his boss to tell him that your guy can’t come to the company’s outing because it’s your fifth monthsary
ask him to pick you up at a bar and drive all ten of your girlfriends home
Outdrink him
say, “Sweetheart, its pa-photocopy, not pa-xerox.”
puke in his car
confess to his friends that he has trouble getting his wiener to get up after three rounds.. *shudder*
shove a fat check from last month’s commission to his nose because you are just soo great at your work
show up at his friend’s party in a plunging top and short skirt
… and get ass-drunk

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