Mai’s Meantime Girl

My friend Mai, my bru bru, the bratinella, sent me this email. A clone of my pseudoist. Gahd. I have to quote it from her, or from anyone who sent her this also. I, of all people, understand, copyrighted articles. So if you made this, email me. Ü

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R.A. 1003 Rundown Taxis Should Not Operate

Oh. I hate bad days. I wish nobody will ever get to have a bad day. But if no one will have any bad day at all, then who is going to tell whether the day was good or bad? Compli right.

I lost a substantial amount of money today. I just left my bag in the living room and the complacent idiot that I am, didn’t keep it somewhere else from prying hands. That would have bought me a new pair of shoes from Nine West, the bitch. Are you just sooo pooorr that you’ll sink sooo LOW and open up my expensive bag from my Louis wallet and get bucks from me? I cannot imagine what must have gone thru your head you selfish asswipe! If I had known that you needed money, I would have GIVEN it to you. I am that generous you inconsiderate wuss! Stealing money from people you know is such a turn off, you definitely are something worth calling a SO LAST SEASON. I just hate the fact that someone had tricked me into thinking that they are soo good to me when in fact, just when I was sleeping, you had to open up my goodies and take something from me. You are BAD. You should be punished. God should strike you down right now.

Well, I have to thank you though. You made me realize something which a lot of places have been reminding people such as airports, moviehouses, etc – DO NOT LEAVE YOUR THINGS UNATTENDED. I swear churches also have those signs. IT says, DON’T LEAVE YOUR THINGS UNATTENDED, PEOPLE MIGHT THINK THEY ARE THE ANSWERS TO THEIR PRAYERS.

So loser, did that answer your prayers? Were you asking for moolah because you cannot afford your lifestyle anymore you have to take it from me who CAN? Pobre. Animas.

Lastly, I had to take a cab to work tonight and in my haste, I jerked open the door handle so hard it got broken. The taxi driver took a LOOONNGGG time to give back my change because he was worried that I might run off. Hello, I know about cars and one thing I know of is that those door handles ALWAYS can be fixed. And they cost WEEZIES – not so much! I had 400 worth of change from him and he’s not giving it back until I can find a way to pay the damage. For 400 bucks? I’m like, I’m gonna leave my phone number and my name and call me. I don’t have time to listen to your, “My boss will yell at me for this damage. You need it to pay 1,000” Ugh. How low. I understand he’s making a living but he ain’t getting it from me.

If he is going to call, I have to talk to the owner of his cab. His cab was rundown in the first place I wouldn’t be surprised if someone towed that and placed that in the dump. Rundown taxis shouldn’t be allowed to OPERATE. They are accidents — and money making schemes waiting to happen. If your taxi is already rundown, it is prone to all kinds of weejabbers. What if I open the door handle so hard the DOOR(!) itself fell off?? Now, that is EXPENSIVE. They must be making money out of those so that passengers are the ones who are going to be blamed and their wallets drained. They should be ILLEGAL. Hmm.. I’ll tell my uncles about that. Probably make that a BILL. Hmm.. or a LAW. Naks.

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Happy Dad’s Day says Durex to their competitors

Yesterday was Father’s Day. For someone who embraces the call center culture, it is still Father’s Day today. Its still 3PM, June 18, local Pacific Standard Time.

To my daddy,

Happy Father’s Day!

I miss you sooo much. I miss you making fresh fruit salad at home. To some, This is his recipe.

FRESH FRUIT SALAD

Mango, sliced in cubes
Avacado, sliced in cubes
Papaya, sliced in cubes
Apples, sliced in cubes
Bananas, sliced in circles
(any other kind of fruit will do)
Sugar
Alpine Evaporated Milk

You see, my dad is very clean in the kitchen. He’d arrange all ingredients in a neat row on the table in front of him. He would then slice all fruits in cubes then place them all in one bowl. The milk and the sugar would then be poured in that bowl. Any spillage is not tolerated at all. If he sees any, he’d bellow on the maid to – no, not wipe it off, to get a rag so HE’d wipe it off and he’d hate himself for being so careless. Shheeesh. I don’t know how exactly he’d end up with that profoundly,very heavenly mean fruit salad but I swear its tastier than any fruit salad I’d had. And my dad would proudly hand over bowls (as if its something any gourmet chef could concoct ) to people so they’d get a taste of it. Nothing to him is greater than his fruit salad – and oh, his mango float, too, but you don’t want me to start on that.

Sigh. I miss you daddy. Its’ been 2 months since I was last at home. Your monthly bank statements for me don’t compare to you being actually here in Cebu. I made your favorite tuna sandwich here in Cebu but no one says “This is the best tuna sandwich I have” like you do. You’d always come home bringing tuna flakes in brine and a huge bottle of mayonnaise and force me to make the spread because you’re favorite movie in HBO is going to be on in 15 minutes and you need something to nibble on. Talk about demanding. But i don’t complain because you hardly say anything if I wanted something right? Lol.

I wish I’ll see you soon. I love that you take care of my dogs like they’re your own. Thank you for bringing little Hugo to the vet. Ugh, what must have he been eating to get sick the last time. I love that you call me if i just texted you I miss you. I love that you wanted me to ask permission from you all the time whenever I’m going out of the city even if I no longer need to ask because I’m 23 years old for heaven’s sake – we’ve gone past the stage of asking permission 2 years ago. I love that you are the most patient person in the world because I can understand how mom can be sometimes whenever her mood strikes and even if I love her also so much I’m ready to give her to the next person who wants her heheh. I love you for not letting Zahrin use my car so much because the last time she did there was a huge scratch on the bumper which is so ugly it doesn’t match at all with my outfit. I’ve been telling you that I wouldn’t marry a man who isn’t so much like you and I’m telling you again. You are the best father of all the best fathers in the world. Bester. Bestest. Of all, I Love you. Hugs. Hugs.To all your fathers, Happy Father’s Day, too. Toodsie.

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